stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
