the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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