and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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