so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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