Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
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She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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