butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
porn star boner night. come get it.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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