His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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