Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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