Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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