you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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