we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
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The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
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He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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