I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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