those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
