with your own penis?
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
