Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I don't deserve a penis
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
