Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
