If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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