so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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