remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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