You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
