I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
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You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
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How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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