She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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