i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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