quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
