Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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