Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
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She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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