I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
