would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
