i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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