You're so nebulous sometimes
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
