just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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