can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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