i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
