She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Barsexuality is the new black.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
