the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he wants to bone in the snuggie
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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