It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
