You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
