Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
