is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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