They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Rumble strips road head = magical
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
