Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
