You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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