Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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