Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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