I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
