This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
