Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
