you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
