Whod you bang
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
