i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
How does one acquire holy water?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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