every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
