I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
