my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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