Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
