New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
