Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
