i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
