How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
