This girl is more easily done than said...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
