Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
