my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
