I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
