Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
