"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Couch. On fire.
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