Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
