i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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